How to Make a Dud Relationship More Sexually Fulfilling: A Guide for Women

You want more intimacy and caressing; he wants that porn-star he watched last night on HBO. How can you reconcile two distinct sexual desires in one bedroom?

For months, I used to yell at my lover for not being attentive to my sexual yens. I’d shriek, “Our sex life is too predictable and… foreplay, you don’t even know what that is anymore.”

Realizing that perpetual bitching did zilch for my carnal yearnings, I turned to the most libelous of places- Hollywood- for help.

“What’s Hollywood got to do with sex,” you snort? Everything. See, whether we admit it to ourselves or not, those tear-jerking chick-flicks that paint love and everlasting sex as the ideal scenario have lasting effects on impressionable, not to mention temperamental women like us.

Hollywood presents the good sex-life and sometimes, you want a taste of that good sex life don’t you? I used to blame my lover for not doing his part to make sweltering sex and multi-orgasms a reality for me.

Now I’ve realized that if I want more than the five-minute bed work over that my lover likes to call “doing it”, I have to be somewhat of an actress myself.

In short, I give my lover what he wants- a new mysterious lover that he’s never met- and I get what I want- hot, tantalizing love-making that lasts way more than five minutes with lots of foreplay.

How can you get in on this type of action? It’s easy when you use your imagination and follow the principles of giving a little in order to get a lot.

Here’s my recipe for turning my bedroom into a love den.

1. Create your sexual fantasy

2. Become the star of your sexual fantasy

3. Play out this sexual fantasy for your lover

1. Creating your sexual fantasy

If you watch the daily soaps, creating your sexual fantasy becomes a no-brainer. There’s the cute boat boy at the yacht-club, the cable guy with bulging muscles that drops in to fix the tube, and then there’s Mister Casanova that can play your body like a cello and turn you into a boudoir soprano.

Picking your ideal man

Once you have your ideal fantasy man in mind, now you need to figure out what kind of woman he’s after and role-play this lady. Lets say that the yacht-club cutie is looking for a chick in some tight, short white skirt, with a breast clinging top.

Next, what’s the cable hunk in the mood for- a nerdy looking chick with a bob and bifocals that she can toss in an instant, just to reveal her sexy twin- the inner Playgirl? And then we have Mister Casanova, he’ll probably do anything with a vagina so all imagining is left up to you.

2. Become the star of your sexual fantasy

Here’s the super fun part. We all have an inner nympho so let her free. This inner sex kitten can take on limitless incarnations, like the sexy teacher, the dominatrix, the hooker and or the innocent chick nursing an Electra complex. You can switch your Venus persona as often as you change your thongs.

Notwithstanding, if you come up dry on these sexual fantasies, check out Nancy Friday’s “Secret Garden”, she’ll whet, if not corrupt your erotic nature.

3. Play out this sexual fantasy for your lover

If there was ever not a time to be bashful it’s when you’re asking for a raise and when you’re having sex. Remember the first time, with every new guy. Wasn’t it great!

That greatness comes from all of the sexual improvisation. You were new to your lover and your lover was new to you- remember this as you star in your real-life sexual fantasy.

Repeat this to yourself, “I am new to my lover and my lover is new to me.” Repeat this even if you’ve slept with this guy a hundred times.

So now as you’re playing the teacher, dominatrix or virgin for your lover, consider this foreplay.

Preparing for dulcet foreplay

1. Dress the part. An essential key to looking like a new lover, is dressing like one. In fact, the more odd your sexual character, and thus costume, the better. This does not mean that you go out and spend a fortune on new clothes. Just wear the ones you already have in your own closet, or you lover’s closet, in a new way. For example, put on a cocktail dress, a bathing suite, or even make a suite out of newspapers.

In all reality, your lover does not care about what you look like, what matters is the sexual intrigue you create. When you do something completely out of left field it creates mystery and sexual interest.

2. Act the part. My favorite act for foreplay is dancing. When dancing, I let myself go and focus exclusively on my lover, as if he is the only person in the entire world. Not matter what sexual fantasy I’m acting out, my lover is the audience, the only audience, and I make sure he knows it.

To illustrate acting the part, a few weeks ago, I invented the cave woman fantasy. It’s truly wild, and the costume? It’s just some old worn out clothes that I should have trashed but found better uses for. The cave woman crawls all over the floor and uncontrollably attacks her lover with kisses.

Another sexual star is the teacher. In her role, the teacher sits her lover in a chair and points out some homework that has not been done. You can make the homework the sexual fantasies that you want fulfilled. And each time you rant off an unfulfilled assignment, you tap your lover with a ruler. This constant slapping with the ruler will build a lot of useful sexual tension. Don’t let it go to waste.

3.Enjoy each moment. If you want stellar sex, stay in the moment. You stay in the moment when you have absolutely no clue what’s going to happen next. But more importantly, you stay in the moment when you focus exclusively on one thing. In this case, focus your intentions exclusively on your lover.

It may appear that you are denying yourself if you focus on your lover. You’re not. Let the attention that you give to your lover arouse you. That way, you build a love loop. You arouse your lover and his enticed response arouses you, you continue to arouse him and the cycle continues.

Alas, one man’s aphrodisiac is another man’s… well he’s probably just impotent. Sometimes your rendition of a sexual fantasy may seem like pure nonsense to your lover, then again it could be worthy of a Grammy in the eyes of your lover. The key is, change your sexual fantasies often, as often as you’d like to have fulfilling lovemaking.